Driver Survey Confirms the Obvious

by: michael r. shannon | published: 06 03, 2011

If the Obama administration’s gas prices weren’t enough to keep you at home over the Memorial Day Weekend, the results of a recent area driver survey should have been enough to do the trick.

A nationwide test of over 5,000 found DC drivers were the worst in the nation, with one third of them failing the test completely. DC was closely followed by Maryland — more evidence the political class’ sanctuary policies are working — which finished a dismal 49 out of 51.

Virginia on the other hand, finished in the middle of the pack at 25.

Fortunately this time the study was not a government–funded statement of the obvious, instead insurance company GMAC was the sponsor.

According to the Washington Times, DC driver ignorance means they are the most likely in the nation to be involved in a car crash and drivers there averaged a scant five years between collisions. This time factor no doubt has something do to with the statute of limitations and the filing of personal injury claims.

Kansas drivers finished first among all the states and districts with an average score of 82.9 out of 100. This had something to do with the fact Kansas drivers don’t believe owning an SUV requires you to back into parking spaces nor do they suffer from the delusion that SUVs give you special dispensation from traffic laws and common courtesy.

Still I’m not sure this test is sufficiently culturally sensitive and fully accounts for the DC area’s heavy mix of legal and illegal aliens. Many drivers there suffer from Sudden Technology Exposure Syndrome and a relevant test would reflect that. 

Where was the question that asked, “When a camel and a burro meet at a four–way stop, which rider has the right–of–way?” Or “If you are too short to see over the steering wheel is it legal to use a child booster seat if the child helps out by manipulating the pedals?” And finally, “When stopped at a light should an SUV leave three, four or five car lengths between its front bumper and the rear bumper of the car ahead?”

And even the questions that were germane to our traffic conditions offered a selection of answers that fail to reflect motoring reality. So in the interest of future test accuracy, I’ve taken a selection of GMAC test questions followed by my suggestion for a more realistic answer choice.

1.    A pedestrian is crossing your lane but there is no crosswalk. You should:

a.     Wave your fist and shout ándale, ándale!

2.   When driving in adverse conditions, the proper speed to travel is:

a.    Wherever you set the cruise control or the velocity that causes the tires to regain traction.

3.   A traffic light with a flashing red signal means:

a.    The signal is broken, no need to stop.

4.   When you approach a stopped school bus with flashing red lights, you should:

a.    Start honking; those school–age fatties need to get the lead out.

5.   If, while driving, a tire suddenly blows out, you should:

a.    Try to avoid hitting the stop sticks the next time police are in pursuit.

6.   You may pass on the right of another vehicle when:

a.    You can see a roadblock up ahead and the stop sticks don’t appear to reach that far.

7.   You drive defensively when you:

a.    Keep an eye out for radar and only text when your Blackberry is in your lap.

8.   When you tailgate other drivers (drive close to their rear bumper):

a.    They will only move out of the fast lane if you also flash your lights and pound on the horn.

9.   You may drive off of the paved roadway to pass another vehicle:

a.    During a pursuit, stop sticks don’t work on uneven surfaces.

10. When you are merging onto the freeway, you should be driving:

a.    Very slowly, so you can wait for all three lanes to clear and you can make the left exit coming up in five miles.

11. When driving in fog, you should use your:

a.    Fog lights, just like you do when driving any other night.

12. There is an emergency vehicle coming from behind you with emergency lights on and flashing. You should:

a.    Take advantage of this opportunity to draft just like a NASCAR    driver.

13. When you approach a traffic signal displaying a steady yellow light, you must:

a.    Really hit the gas or you’ll be stuck with the other losers.

If GMAC will incorporate these real world answers I’m certain DC drivers will quickly rocket to the top, just like White House gas prices.  

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